- Apr 23, 2019
- United Kingdom
In early February I started hearing voices and seeing things that weren't there. The voices were so real at first I thought they were just my neighbours talking that I could hear through the wall, until they started talking about me and to me. They generally talked gibberish, often saying strange sentences and repeating words. These were disturbing but I have learned to rationalise them as just like thoughts I can hear, which makes it easier to cope. There was also one "central" voice I would hear, however, who felt different somehow. Like there was some kind of intelligence behind it, he would say taunting things sometimes and it felt like an actual conscious being was messing with me somehow. Sometimes i feel his presence in the room, he leans over me at night and i feel him breathe on my face or touch my cheek and it makes me jump up in a panic. Or i swear i'll see him when im out but when i turn to look theres nothing. I would also have rarer isntances of seeing things like spiders or giant maggots on the walls and ceiling. It started getting so bad for a while I was sleeping with the lights on and headphones in every night cause I was terrified of seeing or hearing something frightening. I started falling behind on work at uni and my grades have been suffering and I can't even explain why to anyone, they just think I'm being lazy. I also ended up breaking up with my boyfriend because my behaviour was becoming so erratic and I was convinced he was trying to manipulate and hurt me somehow. I've been trying to get help from the NHS for months but it just feels like I'm getting nowhere. I feel completely lost and alone, I just don't know what to do and I can't see things getting any better.