This is the end

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LouiseMN

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Minnesota
#1
I am unable to function, deeply depressed and suicidal and now I am almost 70 years old and ran out of options for med therapy. Need to be hospitalized to give my husband a break? Almost did last night. I know I need to get myself better but I have no energy or will. I can't even decide what to wear.

The only way out of this is to die but what about my son and daughter. I can't do it but that is all I want to do. I am old, too old to get well. Anyone out here my age that is making it?

I have been taking serious meds for 11 years, before that got by on just prozac.
 
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Ian Haines

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Merseyside, North West England.
#4
Faith is like invisible dynamite, in moderation. I couldn't advise you on what to do in order to get Faith. I couldn't advise you what to do, next, if you already have a Faith. You were never meant to suffer from this. Such a terrible life would never have been mapped out for you. Sometimes, you must do in order to want to do, and that fact follows us all our lives.

Change of subject, though.

I had a leg injury, once. The depression and anxiety that I had about it hammered me. I developed the tendency to be very aware of when I was favouring the weak leg by using the strong leg far too much. It made me sit back and realise that, if I carried on in that manner, my strong leg would, pretty soon, become too weak to be of any use at all - it wasn't hard for me to realise how bad my life would then be. So, I created a routine of making sure that I gave my strong leg a huge amount of rest, in order to be able to rely on it being there, as it had from the beginning. It worked a miracle on my situation.

Now, STOP...thinking about weak leg and strong leg in body terms. Think about it in relationship terms. You are currently the weak leg. Your husband is the strong leg. If you suspect that you (weak) are overloading your husband (strong), then you need to make certain to take pressure off him. If he weakens because of over-use, there'll be pretty dismal repercussions for you, and you'll realise your mistake. Think about Mr Strong and make certain that he gets a lot of rest, in order to make sure that he's more able to deal with you, and help you. How you get him (strong) that rest is entirely up to you (weak). You'll know when to lighten his load, and you'll know when to lean on him. Coming and going can be fine tuned, by you and he, and he will know precisely what you're talking about if you ask him to read this post! :bravo:
 
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LouiseMN

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#5
Brilliant! That is exactly what is happening here. Soon he will be weaker than me.

Thanks Ian. You should copy paste onto your own helpful thread. Not enough of that here.
 
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Ian Haines

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#6
Thanks for that. Let me shoo away a fallacy. There is no reason for you to be not with him when he is being strengthened and made more able to help you...that's an illusion, and a common one. You can be right there, alongside him, still making him strong, and encouraging him to do more of whatever it is. Apart isn't really a rest...it's a stalling that leads to doubts, fears, terrors of what the other will do. That is why I'm saying...when you're backing off the pressure and allowing him to grow stronger, you can be right there, by his side and he'll still get stronger. Each of you takes part in the transition of the other without ever having to leave the other's company.
 
GaryC123

GaryC123

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#7
I think it's inspiring hearing from someone who has endured and is keeping up the fight with mental illness and is now almost 70. I've always heard that those of us with mental illness tend to have shorter life spans. I'm 51 and bipolar and it sort of makes me depressed just to think what may happen or how far I will make it or not into old age. I think it's great to have someone out there who has endured a rough road for so many years. It's not easy.

Have you ever heard of the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI)? I'm sure they probably have a chapter somewhere near you in Minnesota. Here is a link to all the NAMI chapters in Minnesota:

Find Your Local NAMI | NAMI: National Alliance on Mental Illness

Just click on the chapter closest to you for contact info.

I belong to and sometimes volunteer for the local NAMI chapter in Orlando, Florida. They're nationwide (even world wide--with overseas chapters in some countries). They offer free support groups for both people diagnosed and separate support groups for loved ones of people diagnosed. They also offer ways to give back to the community of those diagnosed through volunteering and even mentoring in the mental health community. Maybe you could check into them.

If you've made it to 70 with a mental illness, then I bet you have a lot that is worth sharing with others who are diagnosed. Just sharing your experiences and coping skills (in support groups) or volunteering in education programs and speaking events would be a great help to a lot of us younger folk who are also struggling. NAMI also focuses a lot on countering some of the stigma out there that many of us face concerning mental illness through talks and education.
 
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LouiseMN

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#8
Ian, I hope I can figure out ways to do this. I'll let you know.
 
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LouiseMN

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#10
Thanks Gary. You sound very strong. It would be good to have a free support group since I am having trouble finding a therapist who will take Medicare. I hope 70 isn't "the end". I still have quite a few months to get better. I just want to wake up and feel well. Once I am well I can do all these things. I believe in reducing stigma but I need to be well to do that also. Good for you reducing the stigma of BPD.
 
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barmcake

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Nov 6, 2016
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#12
I'm nearing 70 and have had life-long depression. Well done for getting through life with all the struggles that involves. Our natural death is not far away and it would be a shame to destroy what little time we have left. Time to say 'well done' to yourself, get help and make the most of the time left. It would probably be wise to have a spell in hospital as your depression is severe at the moment. You must use all of that inner strength and will to push through. Please don't give up.
 
GaryC123

GaryC123

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#13
I'm nearing 70 and have had life-long depression. Well done for getting through life with all the struggles that involves. Our natural death is not far away and it would be a shame to destroy what little time we have left. Time to say 'well done' to yourself, get help and make the most of the time left. It would probably be wise to have a spell in hospital as your depression is severe at the moment. You must use all of that inner strength and will to push through. Please don't give up.
Hear, hear!!!
 
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LouiseMN

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Minnesota
#14
I don't have inner will and strength right now. I have so much anxiety. Your posts are inspiring and I get too many typos on my phone to respond adequately. All good advice, I agree. Both my husband and I need a life.

I felt good at age 60 too. Good luck with staying well. I get well for just a few weeks now then back down again. I don't know what to do though.
 
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LouiseMN

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Minnesota
#17
I'm back. He goes to bed early. I saw my doc today. She was nice but is counting on therapy to treat my depression. No more meds. I'm my 50 years of dealing with this disease I have never seen a therapist. I can't bring myself into doing much of anything when depressed and when well, why bother? But this doc is forcing me into it.

I tried one, a male, and decided he wasn't going to work. Now I have 3 appointments set up with a woman starting in a couple of weeks. I had trouble finding one that was authorized for both Medicare and my plan, within 30 miles.
I am afraid I will be scolded as I know I am not doing much to help myself.

I have a lot of anxiety too. Doc did give me some Buspar for that and increased from 5 mg gradually to 15, twice a day, morning and early afternoon. A new thing, have never had a mid day pill to take. Worries me. Anxiety over taking an anxiety pill. Morning and night I can do.

Thanks again my 60 and almost 70 friends, and to Ian and Gary. Thanks for the help and letting me know there are other older people doing ok. I can't imagine that for myself right now. I hope the therapist helps me to get where I don't want to give up.

Ian, husband is not doing well. All I can do to help him is to get better. I guess we walk together but sometimes I think it would be better to walk alone.
 
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barmcake

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#18
So glad you're seeing a therapist. You need those pills at the moment. I'm sorry you're husband is not doing well but I really think it's time to put yourself first. I find being alone much easier as I can just hibernate under the duvet with no-one to bother me. People are sympathetic at first but then lose patience once they realise things are not changing. Make your own world as comfortable as possible. Am sure you are finding it difficult to see any hope, but even if you do nothing things change eventually. A hug and a cuppa go a long way but for now am just wishing you well through the airwaves.
 

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