Some advice would be greatly appreciated

R

Rex

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Joined
Apr 23, 2019
Messages
1
Location
UK
#1
I'm not OK. Not by a country mile.

There is barely a day where I don't think about ending it. I even tried last August but couldn't go through with it. For some context, here's why:

Last July I left a 6 year dead end job where I was really unhappy. My wife and I constantly argued, to the point where she made 0 effort on our 5th anniversary, despite me saying I really would be happy with a card and maybe a child free evening to reconnect, and on top of that we're in mountains of debt which had left me feeling like a failure of a husband and a father.

I got a new job which paid more and was seemingly better than the one I just left. However, I went from a 5 minute walk to work to a 2 hour drive... there were days where I didn't even get to see my children. All of this reached boiling point in August 2018 and I tried to kill myself, but avoided it at the last minute.

Now last October I got a new job and it was all going so well. I was back in the industry I know and love, and was back to being a 5 minute walk from home. I had arranged payment plans with the companies we're in debt with, and my wife and I even started to reconnect. I was doing so well that my manager had said she wants to take me off probation early and start giving me a little more responsibility. I was thrilled, and the happiest I had felt in years.

Things had finally started to go our way.

That was until the very next day. I was off work, and needed to dip some shopping. Whilst at the shops, I recieved a call from another manager who had been called into our branch for a meeting. It wasn't good news. My branch had been selected for closure, and as I was on a fixed term contract, it would just end early.

Things came crashing down. I felt worse than I did before and had started to feel like I needed to get away, hurt myself and end it again. I was back to being a failure. I went to the doctor's to see if there's anything we could do and preferably without being signed off as that would make things worse for me. I had explained everything, and his reaction was "don't do anything stupid, things will get better".

I felt abandoned. Since January when this happened, I've managed to hold on, but I really feel at rock bottom. I can't sleep, I have terrible thoughts and feel strong urges to harm myself and worse. I'm worried that if I go back to the doctor's, they'll just say the same thing again. I really don't know what to do anymore.
 
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claude

claude

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 13, 2017
Messages
874
#2
oh my goodness rex, I really feel for you. What a brutal ride and you, understandably, sound so low. I feel worried for you.

My advice would be to go back and see your gp again, maybe write out how bad things are or print this thread and show him/her so they can really see how bad things have got. I imagine all they would be able to offer at first would be antidepressants, which can be very helpful in a crisis but don't fix everything and sometimes make things worse. I think even if you don't want to go on meds it's worth telling your gp so they can keep an eye on you.

The gp might be able to refer you to therapy as well, which i think might be more useful as you have been through so much it might do you good to let off some pressure by talking about it all in a safe confidential space. And the therapist might be able to do some work with you about techniques for when feeling so overwhelmed.

I would also look for charities in your area that might be able to offer you therapy, charities often have shorter waiting lists than the nhs.

I think the first thing to address is how low you are feeling and how desperate. You need to try and put your worries out of mind a little bit and focus on getting stable. Rest as much as possible for a bit, eat healthy food and go for walks, listen to music, that kind of thing. Just a little break to begin healing yourself, regaining strength so you can handle to next practical steps of finding another job etc.

Keep posting here if it helps as well, it's a nice supportive community and there are games and things to join in if you want something light.

You sound so incredibly exhausted and overwhelmed with it all, and I am not surprised with all you have been through, but hold on. Things will change eventually, nothing stays the same forever.

I wish you all the best, and welcome to the forum
 
H

Helena1

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9,814
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#3
See a different GP, some of them are crap. Can you afford private therapy? Have you tried self help things?
 
H

Helena1

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Forum Safety Team
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Oct 11, 2014
Messages
9,814
Location
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#4
Sorry I just rearead your post about being in debt.
Unfortunately you sometimes do have to kick up a right fuss to get any help, it is not right but that is just how it is, and it will be worth it when you are alive and healthy.
You need to go see a GP and not leave without them taking you seriously. Ask for a referral to the primary mental health team, what therapy is available to you and anti-depressants.
Not sleeping will also be exacerbating your issues, so a course of sleeping tablets would be helpful.
 
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