PTSD I never got round to addressing

J

Jaye8525

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#1
I will state the facts as directly as I can for this event.

Many years ago my friend and I were in our early teenage years when we witnessed a friend of ours getting assaulted. The young girl was not simply assaulted but I do not want to go into specific detail. The experience affected us greatly.

More recently the friend with whom I witnessed this event sadly took her own life. Again I won't go into explicit detail on this simply out of respect.

My friend and I used to lean on each other for support when times got tough and we were overcome with confusion and anger. Now that my support from her is gone I am experiencing significant bouts and anger, paranoia and hearing voices. I have not told anyone else about my feelings regarding this incident because of the inadequacy I feel about myself of not being able to cope. I appreciate it may sound silly coming to an internet forum first, but I feel so lost and hopeless.
 
SunnyDaze

SunnyDaze

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#2
Hi there,I'm sorry for what you experienced.How long has it been since you were diagnosed with PTSD?Have you been in therapy to process it?Are you currently seeing the professional that diagnosed you?if not,that would probably be the best route to go.
 
SunnyDaze

SunnyDaze

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#3
Also,I'm so sorry about the loss of your friend.
 
J

Jaye8525

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#4
I have been diagnosed by general health at the hospital as depressed/low mood, but I personally felt this was the section for it seeing as my ill feelings stem from that traumatic event.

I often feel ready to reach out but I never manage to because I feel so uncomfortable with myself. I have endured feelings of intense rage for so long that I feel one day very soon I will just implode.

I sometimes fear my own reflection because there are times I look at myself and wonder what I am going to do because seemingly I have nothing to lose. Those are my troubled days.

Kind thanks for your time.
 
SunnyDaze

SunnyDaze

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#5
I hope you can find the courage to seek help with it soon so you can start to feel better.

Hugs
 
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Jaye8525

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#6
I am grateful for your response.

The difficult times for me is when I lose perspective.

My first reaction is to take revenge in the form of physical violence upon those who caused harm to my friends. I realise, then, that I can't get rid of the badness in this world without becoming bad and an abuser myself. It is these thoughts that go through my head that cause me deep distress.

I know I cannot escape from or fix wicked people, and I don't have the strength to be in the same world as them. As a result of this I often think about taking my own life to put an end to a lot of the sadness deep down.

Again thank you for your kind responses. I do not take them for granted.
 
N

nqptsd

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Jan 16, 2019
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#7
I will state the facts as directly as I can for this event.

Many years ago my friend and I were in our early teenage years when we witnessed a friend of ours getting assaulted. The young girl was not simply assaulted but I do not want to go into specific detail. The experience affected us greatly.

More recently the friend with whom I witnessed this event sadly took her own life. Again I won't go into explicit detail on this simply out of respect.

My friend and I used to lean on each other for support when times got tough and we were overcome with confusion and anger. Now that my support from her is gone I am experiencing significant bouts and anger, paranoia and hearing voices. I have not told anyone else about my feelings regarding this incident because of the inadequacy I feel about myself of not being able to cope. I appreciate it may sound silly coming to an internet forum first, but I feel so lost and hopeless.
It is not silly to come to the internet, rather the only option for those who are not comfortable sharing the details of their condition with others (myself included). Depending upon the severity of you symptoms however, you may need to go in for therapy and/or medication.

I can tell you what really helped me is called "exposure therapy", which is to explore the details of the traumatic experiences in great detail. Try to remember each and every detail of what happened, what you saw, and what about it causes such intense reactions even now. After a while it really works.
 
J

Jaye8525

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#8
There are times, when I'm at my lowest point, that I feel I am just looking for sympathy: I feel as though I don't know how to recover and that it's a hopeless endeavour.

It causes such deep embarrassment, which then leads to a lot of agony.
 
K

Kimi

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#9
Jaye, I know how it feels to wish when you go to bed at night that you would not wake up in the morning and to wonder why God would put you on this earth to simply suffer, wishing you were dead and just waiting for it to be over. I have asked God this question a million times, and though I'm a person of faith, He has not seen fit to answer me. So I can't say that I have any kernels of wisdom or insight that might help.

Of course, you MUST seek treatment from a professional who specializes in PTSD. It is treatable and so there is hope for you. No amount of medication, while important for managing the depression and anxiety, will help you heal from this. It must be dealt with in therapy. PLEASE DO NOT DO EXPOSURE THERAPY AND EXPLORE THE TRAUMATIC EVENTS ON YOUR OWN. THIS COULD BE DISASTROUS. THIS IS SOMETHING THAT ONLY A HIGHLY TRAINED THERAPIST SHOULD INITIATE IF HE OR SHE DEEMS YOU ARE STRONG ENOUGH TO HANDLE RE-EXPERIENCING THE TRAUMA AT WHICH POINT HE OR SHE WILL LEAD YOU THROUGH IT SAFELY WITHOUT DOING MORE DAMAGE AND HAVING YOU BE TRAUMATIZED ALL OVER AGAIN.

Please do seek help. I have PTSD and after years of therapy have realized that I was not being treated directly for PTSD, and I am now searching for a specialist. I am not a professional and don't know if you are suffering from any other mental illnesses that might complicate things, but as far as PTSD, it is treatable and you can heal from the damage that witnessing and experiencing such traumatic events have caused. But you can't do it on your own. Start right now looking for a PTSD therapist. Do it today. Please.
 
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Kimi

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#10
Oh, and Jaye. You've got to TELL the mental health professionals around you. When you find a therapist, you must tell her or him no matter how embarrassed or inadequate doing so may make you feel.
 

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