My husband has been hearing voices. Advice?

BleachedViolet

BleachedViolet

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#1
Hi all,

I don't know where to start, and I'll try not to go off on one, but I was curious if anyone had input/advice/a place to start?

For the past year, approximately, my husband tells me he's hearing voices and even says he's had the occasional visual hallucination... He's, imo, dealing with some PTSD and his paranoia has gone through the roof.

He claims that they're threatening, mocking voices that are claiming if he doesn't kill himself, something bad will happen to me. He's convinced it's these roommates we had a while ago orchestrating everything, and that they want revenge over a misunderstanding that occured.

It started about this time last year. Someone did hack into my email and his as well, and deleted his account. We both believe it was them. This triggered it.

Anyway, we went 'off the grid' for months. He insisted we have no internet in our old apt, and was convinced our neighbors were involved.

This led to a lot of drama and he has been hospitalized 3x for self harm and began drinking heavily until he black out, bc he claimed that was the only peace he'd get...

He most recently missed a layover flight (bc he got drunk) and went missing for several days. His family and I were working overtime trying to locate him in a foreign country, and he eventually surfaced at a hospital. He had tried to harm himself.

I don't know how to help. He says he thinks it's never going to end, that he has a 'black mark' on him. He thinks it's radio frequencies or something.

I don't want to dismiss his experience, bc, real or not, it's real to *him*. But I don't want to enable or encourage him down the wrong path, either...

He was getting blackout drunk for months. I was scared to sleep, bc he was hiding alcohol around the apt and I'd wake up to him sloppy drunk or, on one occasion, it stayed up alm night to watch him and then passed out around dawn. I awoke to him self harming.
Other times, he'll start 'conversing' with the voices. I tell him not to, but I can see/hear him muttering.

It's been better slightly the last 2-3 weeks. I've had to leave him overnight a few times bc I'm in the process of moving/packing up our old apt. He's got a broken leg, so he can go far, but he thinks someone or something is going to harm me and calls incessantly. On one hand, it comforts me to be I constant touch, but I'm physically, emotionally, and spiritually exhausted.

When I'm home with him, I have no energy. I got a ton done when he was in the hospital (the last time for his leg - ths first few times I was hardly functioning/shattered inside). I get 10+ hours of cleaning and packing done when I'm at the other apt, but when I'm here I feel drained. He's asleep atm, but is very emotionally needy.

And I don't know how to help. We never used to fight, now we do constantly when he's not asleep or drinking. I hate it when he's drunk, but I don't want to deny him the only relief he claims to get ... Meds haven't worked, or he will stop taking them claiming they make things worse...

I don't think he's schizoid, as he's mid-30's and otherwise lucid. None of the Drs, here or abroad, have labelled him that. Though the care in our current country isn't very good. That's why I was trying to get him back to the UK. But his family/his mom's new live in bed want nothing to do with him. They don't want him staying with them, and more or less said it's my responsibility now...

Sorry for the length. I know this has been a mess of a post, and it's only scratched the surface...

I don't know whether to try to hospitalized him again, but there's so much red tape and overcrowding here, plus the psychiatrists, etc... I've met I've been very unimpressed with. Most are very 'old school' and mental health is stigmatized here somewhat/it's very gossipy and people can be ignorant. The second time he was hospitalized, they were angry with both of us. They think he's on drugs or we both are and acted like it was his fault that he wasn't miraculously 'cured' the first time, where as I had to call ambulance to save his life! No compassion, very judgemental.

Anyway, anyone who read all that deserves a damn medal.

I just don't know how to help. Logic doesn't work, and he seems like a shell at times, his spirit seems so far away. He's suffering, I can tell...

I used to cry all the time but now I'm almost numbed off to it.

Can anyone relate? How should I behave? What treatments work? I'm drowning and the only one who seems to care about him...
 
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philips

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#2
This sounds like such a hard time for both of you and it doesn't sound like either of you are being given enough support. Where you live is there any community mental health care you could access? Or a charity even that provides community support? It sounds like you're really doing everything you can to help him.

How much do you think he truly believes his delusions and how receptive is he to getting help? If he's really convinced the neighbours are behind it I'm not sure how helpful it would be to question it, I'd leave that to the doctors and instead focus on supporting him. Even if he can question the delusions I probably wouldn't discuss them with him just in case on the days he believes them more strongly he thinks you're involved in them.

In terms of treatment I think he really needs medication, at least in the short term to stabilize him and maybe a stay in hospital although it doesn't sound like you've had good experiences with the Healthcare system where you are so I'd probably use your own judgment on that. Longterm some therapy like cbt can be useful, especially if it is ptsd he has. You can get this privately so you wouldn't need to use the Healthcare system.

Remember to keep in mind the effect all of this is having on you and to get support for yourself if you need it. In the UK the charity mind has a lot of information on there website about different types of support and d also how you can support someone else www.mind.org.uk
 
BleachedViolet

BleachedViolet

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#3
Hi Philips,

Thank you very much for taking the time to read my rantings and for leaving such a thoughtful, considerate, and helpful post. I *genuinely* appreciate it. :hug:

He genuinely thinks the voices are real. I've spent hours talking to him, trying to poke 'logic holes' into his perception, but it's like he's given up most of the time or has lost his 'fight' or will to live.

Though, the fact that (not to get graphic - I apologize in advance) his self-harm wounds have been very superficial and he sought help/called on his survival mode when he was missing and stopped that ambulance gives me a shred of hope that he still *wants* to live on some level.

We shared a nice, normal day together the other day, just watching movies and it felt 'normal' briefly. Though today he's been 'off' and I've been letting him sleep hoping he's at peace.

I haven't had time yet to search for independent help. I've just joined here, and have encouraged him to join a (different) forum as well, which he has. I did talk to a GP who was actually sweet and helpful for my own anxiety issues when he was missing. She gave me a dr reference (and she said he was younger and more 'with it' - thank you, this is helping to organize my thoughts! I had forgotten about meeting with her/this conversation entirely...) but I lost it. Perhaps I'll seek her out again, or even gone with him once he's more able bodied...

Anyway, I'm rambling, but see? You helped me recall a potentially useful resource/reign my thinking in a bit. I was all over the place earlier.

Thank you for that, it really did help, and for just showing concern and support and insights. I think he may need hospitalization or at least, it this dr and he connect/I can get him to agree to try, hardcore outpatient/CBT.

But thank you again. It means a lot to me atm. I appreciate your time and kindness. I hope I can return the favor sometime :)

P.S. Thanks for the link, too! Xx
 
J

Joe

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#4
Hi Philips,

Thank you very much for taking the time to read my rantings and for leaving such a thoughtful, considerate, and helpful post. I *genuinely* appreciate it. :hug:

He genuinely thinks the voices are real. I've spent hours talking to him, trying to poke 'logic holes' into his perception, but it's like he's given up most of the time or has lost his 'fight' or will to live.

Though, the fact that (not to get graphic - I apologize in advance) his self-harm wounds have been very superficial and he sought help/called on his survival mode when he was missing and stopped that ambulance gives me a shred of hope that he still *wants* to live on some level.

We shared a nice, normal day together the other day, just watching movies and it felt 'normal' briefly. Though today he's been 'off' and I've been letting him sleep hoping he's at peace.

I haven't had time yet to search for independent help. I've just joined here, and have encouraged him to join a (different) forum as well, which he has. I did talk to a GP who was actually sweet and helpful for my own anxiety issues when he was missing. She gave me a dr reference (and she said he was younger and more 'with it' - thank you, this is helping to organize my thoughts! I had forgotten about meeting with her/this conversation entirely...) but I lost it. Perhaps I'll seek her out again, or even gone with him once he's more able bodied...

Anyway, I'm rambling, but see? You helped me recall a potentially useful resource/reign my thinking in a bit. I was all over the place earlier.

Thank you for that, it really did help, and for just showing concern and support and insights. I think he may need hospitalization or at least, it this dr and he connect/I can get him to agree to try, hardcore outpatient/CBT.

But thank you again. It means a lot to me atm. I appreciate your time and kindness. I hope I can return the favor sometime :)

P.S. Thanks for the link, too! Xx
Ask him to hold his breath next time he hears them. This is gonna sound stupid but I recently discovered that the voices r actually our own body sounds that travel up thro our voicebox making them sound voices that's why we can't understand the words and cuz we hear it from inside and outside its in stereo and as u know in movies wen u hear someone run away they appear to be in the distance well wid the voices it makes em seem external
 
J

Joe

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#5
Ask him to hold his breath next time he hears them. This is gonna sound stupid but I recently discovered that the voices r actually our own body sounds that travel up thro our voicebox making them sound voices that's why we can't understand the words and cuz we hear it from inside and outside its in stereo and as u know in movies wen u hear someone run away they appear to be in the distance well wid the voices it makes em seem external
 
J

Joe

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#7
I have only managed to convince 10 people to try this and all 10 came came back the next day and genuinely thanked me for taking away their fear. And once these people just held their breath and see its that it all goes away. I ve just started trying to get this out and its not easy but pls try it u might be number 11 and I'd love to hear how u get on pls
 
BleachedViolet

BleachedViolet

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#8
Ask him to hold his breath next time he hears them. This is gonna sound stupid but I recently discovered that the voices r actually our own body sounds that travel up thro our voicebox making them sound voices that's why we can't understand the words and cuz we hear it from inside and outside its in stereo and as u know in movies wen u hear someone run away they appear to be in the distance well wid the voices it makes em seem external
No, no it doesn't sound stupid at all! What you said is actually very interesting to me and taught me something new. I even showed him your comments just now. He was interested as well and says he'll attempt/try it.

Thank you for your advice and experience. It means a lot atm.

I'll be sure to let you know how it goes, I promise.

Thanks again, and hope you are well and having a good day so far :)
 
J

Joe

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#9
No, no it doesn't sound stupid at all! What you said is actually very interesting to me and taught me something new. I even showed him your comments just now. He was interested as well and says he'll attempt/try it.

Thank you for your advice and experience. It means a lot atm.

I'll be sure to let you know how it goes, I promise.

Thanks again, and hope you are well and having a good day so far :)
I'm pretty sure this will help a lot of people but it's not easy to get anybody to listen let alone try wot I'm suggesting wid an open mind. Like I said oy 10 people have listened but all of them have grown in confidence. This is the first time I ve tried it outside of my circle so to get such a good response from u is very encouraging thank you
 
BleachedViolet

BleachedViolet

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#10
I'm pretty sure this will help a lot of people but it's not easy to get anybody to listen let alone try wot I'm suggesting wid an open mind. Like I said oy 10 people have listened but all of them have grown in confidence. This is the first time I ve tried it outside of my circle so to get such a good response from u is very encouraging thank you
Absolutely, I genuinely appreciate it, and he did, too. I'm very open-minded and what you said was really interesting to me. I'm not only curious about the concept from an objective standpoint, but am willing to try anything - I can always *sense* when he's going through it, so next time it happens and I'm there, I'll actively see if I can get him to try it.

It's literally just holding your breath? Just for as long as you can, or at like intervals, just so I understand better? I'm just curious that we do it the right way. I'll definitely report back to you and honestly do appreciate your advice and the time you took to share. Thank you so much.
 
J

Joe

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#11
Absolutely, I genuinely appreciate it, and he did, too. I'm very open-minded and what you said was really interesting to me. I'm not only curious about the concept from an objective standpoint, but am willing to try anything - I can always *sense* when he's going through it, so next time it happens and I'm there, I'll actively see if I can get him to try it.

It's literally just holding your breath? Just for as long as you can, or at like intervals, just so I understand better? I'm just curious that we do it the right way. I'll definitely report back to you and honestly do appreciate your advice and the time you took to share. Thank you so much.
Yes just suddenly hold ur breath wen hearing them and if it stops he will know its his body sounds that he been hearing if it is its fix instantly cuz his explain is un doubt able as u then know. Sound strange but I've I have one person who is life long friend and life off hearing voices and it took 6 months of trying but 2 weeks ago I forced him to listen and nearly came to blows. Totally worth it cuz 2 days ago he text to say it worked and he's coming to see me today wid details. So excited.
 
J

Joe

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#12
Yes just suddenly hold ur breath wen hearing them and if it stops he will know its his body sounds that he been hearing if it is its fix instantly cuz his explain is un doubt able as u then know. Sound strange but I've I have one person who is life long friend and life off hearing voices and it took 6 months of trying but 2 weeks ago I forced him to listen and nearly came to blows. Totally worth it cuz 2 days ago he text to say it worked and he's coming to see me today wid details. So excited.
Ps my friend is 49 and heard these voices for as long as he can remember
 
J

Joe

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#13
Reason I tried figuring this out is cuz to suggest that it's mental illness makes no sense. If it's imaginary sure if they put voices there wid their mind they would surely be able to understand every word. To say one person would do this is strange to say thousands r doing it....... It doesn't make sense
 
J

Joe

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#14
Just got some info u need to know but first im guessing he hasnt heard them since i told u . If he hasnt i can explain why