Its too much

I

idk

Member
Joined
May 3, 2019
Messages
11
Location
Uk
#1
Idk what to do. Everything i do is linked w compulsions and as im doing whatever it is ive got to do, something else pops up and has to be done there and then. Its happening a lot and im paralyzed by it because it will not slow down. Im aware it sounds mad but its like a friend to me that helps but its getting harder and harder to keep up and im going against it rn posting but its like i am constantly anyway because i physically can not keep up w the demands no matter how hard i try and im supposed to do my morning things (routines) before writing anything but i havent because rn theres even more things im panicking about and idk what to do.
Before anybody says, i can not phone the crisis team or talk to anybody that is why im posting here. Being on this forum is part of the bad, but tbh so is everything so i can not do all the things ive got to do. Ive been taking the medication except for last nights (its jus past midnight tho) because more its causing more stress and more stress is making it worse.
This week has been all over because some things have improved and its stressful and i get that. But rn im at the point of going through my laptop to try and find out when i last cut my hair. Was it last year, or the year before? If it was last year then i can cut it off, if the year before then i can not.
If i can cut it off, then i can get rid of the massive pile of matted not really hair anymore hair. If not, then itll stay stressing me out.
Im a mess.


Btw im only posting this because theres more of a chance of somebody here knowing what its like when its this extreme so pls go easy on me hahaha
 
I

idk

Member
Joined
May 3, 2019
Messages
11
Location
Uk
#2
Ive done a bunch shit im not allowed to do that ive never done in months and ik when this has happened in the past how scared i was after and still feel guilty about now
 
I

idk

Member
Joined
May 3, 2019
Messages
11
Location
Uk
#3
Can somebody pls reply im not sure what to do but im scared and maybe in the morning im going to get my mother to phone the crisis team and ill tell them i can not take the medication and then if i go to hospital then tough shit. Im surprisingly calm rn and its scaring me because im done and ik ive felt like this before but ive never posted it anywhere or talked about it like this and idk why i am now but i feel like im faking it and i guess if i am then now people can tell me. Pls do tell me because i need to know. Tell me if im faking all of this because i feel like if i decided to then i could go and do normal things or at least try but im not doing that because i can not. Can i, or do i jus not want to? Im scared the only problem ive got is munchausen syndrome and everything since i was a child was jus fake. Have i lied to everybody?
Ive done a bunch of shit im scared will get innocent lives hurt and i keep doing more of it. Im tired of how it all is but id rather that than get anybody hurt / killed.
Sorry if this doesnt make sense, again. Im physically tired for normal reasons rn as well and in the morning ill probably feel stupid and whiney but this has been going on for so long idc. Tell me if it is?
Thanks