Irrational fear of drugs (I think)

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PandaBus

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Jan 30, 2019
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UK
#1
All my life I have never had to worry about drugs because I always saw it as insignificant and something that a handful of people do and it'll never have anything to do with my life. I lived very happily with this thought in the back of my mind and I could even joke about drugs in a good light. But last year things changed for me quite dramatically. Without going into too much detail, I began to realise that people around me were starting to do illegal drugs. Nobody that I'm necessarily close friends with because I don't have many friends in general. All of a sudden I'm realising that this is something far more normal and common than I expected and I don't like this reality. I don't understand drugs in the slightest and I'm fairly sure it's not the legal issue that frightens me. It's this idea of something normal that I don't understand that scares me the most, but I hate the idea of doing it myself and no matter how many explanations I get, I still don't understand why exactly anybody would want to do such a thing. My fear has escalated dramatically to the point where pro-longed thoughts of such things make me want to harm myself or even take my own life. I can't joke about drugs, imagine them, hear the word "drug" or even take legal medicine without these immense feelings of self hatred and sweating/shaking excessively. I have occasionally had panic attacks due to this, one of which resulted in me calling an ambulance and after having my blood pressure checked I was informed I was at risk of a minor heart attack. My life is constant stress and at this point I'm having panic attacks almost everyday. I just want to know if there's other people out there like myself and how I should handle my situation. Sorry if this was too long. I'd appreciate any and all replies, just please don't mock me.

Thank you.
 
P

PandaBus

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Jan 30, 2019
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#2
Sorry for thinking I was worth a response. I'm alone with this fear. No one ever has or ever will care. I deserve this pain.
 
Ocdthebuginmybrain

Ocdthebuginmybrain

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Feb 25, 2019
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United states
#3
Ok...so I deal with phobias as well. I don't like to hear the words jail, prison, criminal or any other words associated with them. Some of us with phobias and intrusive thoughts fear what we are most disgusted at becoming. So...in my case...the thought of being a criminal or in prison freaks me out that I fear I will somehow become one. Is it possible that you are disgusted with drug use and have a fear, or phobia about becoming a user?
 
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