I'm in dire need of a real friend

J

JCPraha

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I know what you mean. I get very lonely also, but I have some anxiety and troubles dealing with people. I can understand you. I don't know what the solution is, because I have been in this cycle for many years. I hope you figure it out much sooner than me.
 
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khuang

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I’m afraid to make new friends ever since my mom died exactly six years ago. I am terrified that people won’t like me once they get to know me....
 
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CEVRAM

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I know what you mean. I get very lonely also, but I have some anxiety and troubles dealing with people. I can understand you. I don't know what the solution is, because I have been in this cycle for many years. I hope you figure it out much sooner than me.
Same here, I just can't manage relationships well enough so they end up crashing down and making me feel awful about it. I just dont think its worth putting effort into this cause anymore, the more I try, the more it will sting once the inevitable happens.
 
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CEVRAM

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I’m afraid to make new friends ever since my mom died exactly six years ago. I am terrified that people won’t like me once they get to know me....
That is a fear we both share, one that brings a whole lot of distress and sadness into our existence. I'm terribly sorry that the loss of your mother shattered your confidence to a point of leaving you in such dire situation, its perfectly understandable as I've lost my grandfather last year and still haven't been able to fully get over it.
 
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JCPraha

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Having problems with relationships is both a consequence of, and worsens mental health problems. I have been wrestling with this for a long time. Isolation makes things worse, and relationships are problematic. Most people do not understand mental health problems, so it is difficult for them to understand certain anxieties and other issues that I manifest at times, which results in rejection. Nevertheless, I think it is important to try to have some personal relationships. Being alone all the time is not a good solution.
 
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CEVRAM

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I completely agree, one isn't likely to have any major relationship problems unless they are suffering from some sort of distressing mental condition which can often go under the radar and be perceived as just bad character or unwillingness to socialize. The more it feels like we're being misunderstood the harder it will be for us to feel confortable and accept who we are. Without feeling a decent degree of acceptance and understanding from those around us, it will be a lot harder for us to be happy with ourselves, some people might say that the way others think of them has no influence whatsoever in how they see themselves but I take it that most of these people aren't being truly honest, perhaps only a small fraction of them are. Its very hard not be affected in some way when living with unfulfilled social needs due to the fact that you just can't seem to create emotional bonds with people because there is always something missing, I dont even know what, maybe some chemical component in the brain but it becomes such a case for despair when we get the feeling that we simply dont have what it takes to be a good friend and have no appeal for anyone.

This is where isolation provides some needed rest for the mind since we dont have to deal with harmful thoughts of rejection, embarrassment and poor relationship management that we get when interacting with other people although this will eventually lead to depression and loneliness unless we are able to find something that can replace the need for social interactions which can be challenging. Solitude requires a healthy mind in order to be felt over a long period of time.
 
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JCPraha

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Yes, it is certainly a struggle. I know my mental health issues have destroyed relationships. I don't have any easy answer. You are right, we do need to have some acceptance and understanding from at least a couple of people to be happy withh ourselves. No one is an island unto him or her self. People that say they are are disingenuous. A human will always be affected by unfulfilled social needs, it is inevitable. Isolating will not help in the long term, only make matters worse. Furthermore, most of us have no choice but to interact with others in order to survive in this world. So we try to cope the best we can. I have been trying for a long time, often not very successfully, but I keep trying.

I hope you fare much better than me I just don't know what the solution is. And you are right, to enjoy solitude takes a health mind. Solitude is being alone but not feeling lonely. I suppose loneliness is being alone and feeling very lonely. I find being alone and lonely to be a very painful experience. I hope you can work toward a solution that helps you to cope. No one is an island.
 
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CEVRAM

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Yes, it is certainly a struggle. I know my mental health issues have destroyed relationships. I don't have any easy answer. You are right, we do need to have some acceptance and understanding from at least a couple of people to be happy withh ourselves. No one is an island unto him or her self. People that say they are are disingenuous. A human will always be affected by unfulfilled social needs, it is inevitable. Isolating will not help in the long term, only make matters worse. Furthermore, most of us have no choice but to interact with others in order to survive in this world. So we try to cope the best we can. I have been trying for a long time, often not very successfully, but I keep trying.

I hope you fare much better than me I just don't know what the solution is. And you are right, to enjoy solitude takes a health mind. Solitude is being alone but not feeling lonely. I suppose loneliness is being alone and feeling very lonely. I find being alone and lonely to be a very painful experience. I hope you can work toward a solution that helps you to cope. No one is an island.
I am on the same boat as you, struggling with the fact that I can't seem to latch onto any meaningful social relationships despite my willingness to achieve it and this could very well be entirely my fault since I'm likely failing to provide the required elements in order to be seen as someone approachable who is worth knowing and engaging with. There are a few occasional exceptions of course and I'm glad they happen but I do see it as a rule of thumb when looking back at what have been my social experiences over the years.

Like you, I really don't want to simply give up and shut down the curtains of my persona to everyone else, becoming an enclosed individual who never opens to anyone, doesn't matter if doing that relieves me of some pain as it will surely bring a whole lot more on different regards. Humans really aren't meant to be lone wolves, perhaps some of us enjoy it but even the most hardcore solitude gurus will need a few fulfilling human interactions once in a while, its in our nature either you are an introvert or an extrovert.

Thank you for your support and I hope you find a way to surpress some of that crushing loneliness as well, I will be around here reguarly if you need someone to talk to as will many other kind and caring people on this forum, that's why I enjoy being here so much, its a very friendly and accepting place where we can expose our problems without unfair judgements and harsh assumptions over how we are as a person in relation to our struggles. I'm just so fed up with how toxic and ruthless people on the internet can be that places like this one are like a gift from the heavens to me.
 
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CEVRAM

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Whoa, this post is popular. :)
Never expected this thread to get so much amazing feedback and I'm very thankful for it. I don't crave major popularity or relevance, never did but I couldn't hold myself from continuously responding to the people that left their share of heartfelt support and kindess in here, I really had to and this is probably the main reason why this thread grew so much as there were several conversations happening in here.
 

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