I'm in dire need of a real friend

C

CEVRAM

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#61
Thank you both and yes, BDD is absolute hell, if being harassed and insulted for your looks from the outside world can hurt so much while still giving you the chance to escape those people, imagine having an enemy who makes you feel just as bad about your body and is always with you so there is no escape from it. And its all so ridiculously illogical that the people around you are likely to become clueless about why you are feeling that way.
 
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CEVRAM

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#63
Not at all, I dont usually make plans for anything as I'm a guy who has a tendency to act on impulse. Due to the fact I am often changing ideas and having mood swings any plans I make might very well end up being cancelled. There is not much to do in here anyway so I tend to stick to the same boring but familiar and confortable routines.
 
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CEVRAM

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#65
Nothing particularly interesting, I'm dry of any decent ideas in order to make my daily routines a bit more lively. I spend most of my time at home since there is not much that pulls me outside, either for duties or leisure. I'm just generally bored of everything I used to find interesting and enjoyable and got no spare willpower left to invest in searching for a more meaningful reality.
 
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CEVRAM

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#71
I would really like that. Its something I never did before. I do have my own fantasies but never got myself to write them down, mostly due to overall laziness and feeling like my writting skills just weren't good enough.
 
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CEVRAM

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#73
Is there any particular theme you enjoy the most when it comes to writting fantasy/fiction?
 
ReverieAnxiety

ReverieAnxiety

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#74
Hi CEVCEV!

I like dark themes lol like reincarnation, karma, lonliness. I have a story that I never finished that involves these themes. The story was too big for me and I kept editing it, so I dont even know which version that i have is the true story lol. I have developed characters, even drew their pictures, character development...everything and could just not finish it! I even made a canon story for my creative writing class with my characters. I would love to finish the story.
 
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CEVRAM

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#75
Seems like you are very passionate about your own ideas and have a great creative mind. I haven't finished reading the story you posted in the forums yet but from what I've seen so far, its showing very out of the box thinking and unique features and the writting is great too. I'll say, keep it up and finish that story since it looks as if you already got all the main pieces done, now its just about putting them together.
 
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CEVRAM

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#76
The fact you got so far as making sketches of characters and elements from the story which was meant to be an exclusively written piece shows you were really enjoying yourself with the project. I have had several ideas for short comedy focused comics, even wrote some of them out but due to laziness and lack of motivation, I only got one of them actually made and despite its overall simplicity, it still gave me a lot of work. I was pleased with the written contents of the comic but the overall art quality leaves a lot to be desired and I did rushed it considerably seeing how quickly my interest in getting that thing done properly was fading away. Drawing frustrates me a lot sadly. I can show you that comic if you want, its pretty random and lacks any deep meaning, its nothing more than a silly concept.
 
ReverieAnxiety

ReverieAnxiety

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#78
Hi CC!

Yes, I was very into writing my story. The story is called Threefolds to Fate and is actually the 3rd story to a series of stories I made. Bird Boy is a short story that's already completed, but it definitely can be expanded. It was originally a collaboration with a talented friend of mines who is legally blind, but draws wonderful, out-of-this-world pictures. I created the story using inspiration from his drawings.

I understand how frustrating it can be to create something! The one thing that stops me from progressing with a work and enjoying it is trying to make it perfect and expecting too much and that's why I couldn't finish Threefolds to Fate. It's been about 5 years since I wrote that story.
 
AliceinWonderland

AliceinWonderland

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#79
It's cool you both write/create comics :cool: I like writing too, but have always struggled to come up with plots for fiction.

I've just posted in the Member's Gallery that Mind (the mh charity) have a short story competition running atm :)
 
AliceinWonderland

AliceinWonderland

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#80
I wanted to try and say more in reply to some of your earlier posts, and about how you describe feeling abandoned and shunned by people you thought of as friends.

Friendships? What friendships? The kind of friends who leave you for someone who comes up as cooler and more interesting to them and forget about how much you crave their company and then make all kinds of excuses when you tell them you're unhappy because they dont seem to care for you anymore? This is not what friends are supposed to be like...why for so long I've been investing so much effort on people who didn't invested half of it back towards me goes to show just how much I became desperate for companionship. I've let myself feel humiliated and stomped on from desperation. Worst of all, was feeling like a plague towards those who had made it well clear just how uninterested they were in what I had to tell them yet I still insisted hoping something could spark back their interest on me.
I'm sorry this has happened. Yes true friendships shouldn't be like this (the bit I've bolded). But online friendships (not saying they're not true friendships) can have more of a tendency to be, for a start there's so many people to choose from to be friendly with, that yes people can tend to be less loyal (that's not to say all online friends don't turn out to be loyal, and longstanding). And I think letting people know you crave their company can put them in an awkward spot, and make them feel under pressure. Friendships work best when they're equal-ish (I have had to learn this, it's not been easy to accept). Unless there is 'give and take' in both directions, and both sides are equally committed to the friendship working, then there's an imbalance.

Its definitely for the best that I let all this go and forget about it but its proving hard to do so, the memories of those seemingly promising relationships are still here and not even one of them lived to the potential it shown. Its downright frustrating and annoying.
Sounds very saddening, as well as frustrating for you. But I hope you can find a way to move on, and look to new potential friendships. Tbh, with online friends, that I've never met in real life, I try to remember that they could just disappear one day, and I will have no way of contacting them or finding out why they didn't want to stay in touch. This has happened, for me as well. It hurts and is perplexing. I think only time passing, and focusing your attention elsewhere allows it to stop hurting so much.

Thing is that for some people including myself, talking over a screen with a keyboard, digital or real, allows us to be more fluid and articulated since it takes away a layer of pressure and insecurity which is created when we are in the physical presence of those we are engaging with and also because some people aren't that good with vocal speech but have good writting skills <snip> Unfortinately for me, no online friendship of mine has stood strong for more than half a year but then again, I've only began to actively engage in online communities and groups on December of 2017 so I'm still fairly new to this. Before that I couldn't see the online world as a solution for my loneliness and isolation.
Of course, you're right (the bit I've bolded especially)! And I tend to forget this (sorry!), because I'm more comfortable talking face to face, and find online communication more tricky, cos I'm not sure if I come across as I intend to, and I'm sometimes not sure what the person writing means exactly. I worry about misinterpretation, and things being taken the wrong way (not that that can't happen in real life too, but it can be easier to clear up misunderstandings). I think it's quite usual for online friendships to have an initial period where you're messaging all the time, and for this to wear off at some point. I don't think you're alone in that. The ones that stand the test of time and endure long term are probably few and far between. For me, there is only really one friend, maybe two, that I've kept up an online friendship with (by private messages I mean, not posting publicly) that I haven't met in person. Others I used to write to, we no longer do. So what I'm saying is, it's not always personal when people don't want to stay friends online. It is often just what happens. You won't be the first person they've cooled a friendship with, and you won't be the last. Still hurts though, I know.

My life is lacking a purpose and I'm clueless towards how to change that. Its feeling so empty right now but what can fill it up that's within my reach? This is a question I can't answer because my mind is constantly changing ideas and priorities and my mood never stays the same for more than a couple hours, I'm lacking trust in my own judgement at this point. I've became a person who quits plans and projects before even starting from thinking its not going to work, it shows that I'm not willing to put real effort and dedication into something that I know it might fail. There's no confidence, no belief, no patience to slowly build up something, I'm desperate for instant gratification because its been so long since I've actually felt accomplished at anything.
To put effort into things (friendships/projects/whatever) requires some hope. Hope that it will turn out to be worth your time and trouble. And when you're feeling depressed, purposeless and empty, hope can be very hard to find. And so friendships can be hard to start or maintain. I am totally also a person who quits plans and projects before even starting them when I'm feeling depressed. In fact I struggle to come up with plans in the first place. I don't think it's that you're not willing to put the effort in, more that it's very difficult in the place you're in right now (or at least when you wrote that). And instant gratification is something we all want! Try not to be so hard on yourself :hug: You've accomplished something here, in this thread. Communication is an accomplishment. Taking on board peoples' suggestions, considering them and replying to them is an accomplishment. It's all small steps towards building up that confidence and being able to find more belief and hope. You don't seem lacking in patience to me, sticking with a discussion that's been going on for a little while now, is patient. Keep working on the small things that can build you up, keep feeding yourself encouragement if you can, and you will find that things can change.

Wishing you all the best :peace:
 
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