I just realised I am not likeable

vanish

vanish

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#1
I don't feel comfortable with this.
At the end of the day, people don't care because I am not a likeable person.
When I was doing drugs and drinking heavily, people flocked to my side because I was funding their habits and buying drugs/alcohol for them.
If I disappear, nobody misses me. If I reappear later, nobody asks after me.
I've done a lot of stupid things in my life but I never thought I'd be unlikeable. Perhaps this is the reason why my family have nowt to do with me?
I have severe vulnerabilities and nobody is interested in them.
I am thinking of disappearing permanently.
If I had a million dollars I'd buy myself a little plot of land and totally live a hermit's lifestyle. The sad thing is I wouldn't be missed.
Can I ask why people don't like me? I tried that in the past and people told me I was being stupid. Am I? I am not sure.
I never hear from so-called friends unless I call them first and even then they aren't interested in me. We've sadly grown apart and that hurts.
 
daffy

daffy

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#2
Hi vanish Youve got rid of a bad crowd of friends. Well they weren’t friends just hangers on for a freebie. You are a lovely person and it shows in your posts. I agree with the wanting to live like a hermit given the chance I’d love to go off somewhere and have a few chickens and a goat . But I know its not practical for me . Do you have any hobbies or are there any groups that you could get involved with . I’m on here most days if you want to chat :hug:
 
vanish

vanish

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#3
Once a week I go ten pin bowling with a support worker, but other than that, I never seem to get out.
I don't mix well with others for some reason.
 
daffy

daffy

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#4
Do you think you may have social anxiety. I suffer with this and it makes socialising difficult. What help me was volunteering in a charity shop. It was really difficult to begin with. But I’ve made some lovely friends there. I’m now volunteer receptionist for and elderly care charity, but am going to change and help with the groups more. I’m sure something like that could increase your circle of friends
 
vanish

vanish

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#6
It's possible I have social anxiety, I'm not sure.
I used to be quite a sociable person, very extroverted, but since my first episode and consequent hospitalisation, I've turned into a social leper of sorts.
I think it would have been easier to tell people I was in rehab rather than a psych ward. Psych conditions are so heavily stigmatised.
I used to volunteer for a children's charity, but they stuck me out the back and alone doing admin work, I hated it. I am studying to be (get this it's a laugh)... social worker.
 
daffy

daffy

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#7
That’s great that your studying and I’m sure you’ll be a good SW . What part of it do you want to go in to.
 
daffy

daffy

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That sounds interesting. I’m sure you’d be able to help a lot of people and maybe keep them out off the grasping mitts of the hospital staff. How many years do you have to study for, I guess it’s for a degree or diploma
 
vanish

vanish

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#10
I am nearly finished the diploma (literally last few months). Next there is 8 years of the degree part-time. I don't think I could do full time study.
 
daffy

daffy

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#11
Wow that’s a long time, can you study at your own pace or is it a set programme. I only ask because my daughter did a part time course and was told it was six years but she did it in four. She was going to take a year out but was worried that she may not do back to it so she just continued.
 
L

Lunar Lady

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#14
Vanish, why do you imagine that it's you with the problem?

The world is full of givers and takers. I've had plenty of people in my life who'll love me as long as I am constantly providing something - advice, sympathy, attention etc. I'm of no interest to these people if I'm unwell and failing to enhance their existence!

I remember my grandmother having one of those little, home-tapestry cushions that read "You need to be a friend to have friends". I was always itching to put another cushion alongside it saying "You also need to be very smart about who you give your energy to".

A true friend will 'climb in the trench' with you through the hard times. Most of us are fortunate if we find one of these in a lifetime.

I doubt there is anything wrong with you - you're probably just much nicer and more genuine than the people you've given your time to. :hug: xx
 
vanish

vanish

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#15
Wow I awoke to all these replies! Honestly didn't expect that!
I think most of my friends these days have families of their own and because I am resigned to never having kids, I just don't fit in their lifestyle any more. I still drink occasionally but when I do, they label me as 'alcoholic' despite still drinking from the same vodka bottle I had at Christmas. I no longer do drugs and no longer even smoke, yet am still branded a 'druggie'. I haven't touched cocaine or speed in over 10 years.
I have my wife, she goes through hell with me and yes she is my only ally away from the internet.
I guess my anxiety also prevents me from maintaining friendships? I guess so and that is sad.
I'm by and large embarrassed about who I've become but I cannot change my journey to this point. It is in the past. I just wish it would hamper my future.
Bless you all who have replied, you are truly amazing individuals.