How do you deal with jealousy/ feeling inadequate?

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EstherRose94

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Mar 2, 2019
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653
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USA
#1
I’m typically confident but i get bursts of feeling really angry at family, bf, and friends where I think they like other people more than they like me. Like today I’m anxious and angry and sad bc my mom is friends with a girl my age and it makes me enraged. Like your my mom just talk to and hang out with me. Who is this other girl?

I realize this is insanely inappropriate to be jealous and get stressed but it makes me feel panicked and sick. Nothing even has to trigger it.

I’m the same with everyone in my life pretty much. I know it’s my weakness and I need to improve. I made a little chart for myself where I can get points for getting up on time, exercising, not lashing out when angry, volunteering, etc. When I fill my chart up I get to adopt a cat, sign up to foster for the humane society, or go get a massage.

I hope by the time I fill it all up I’ll feel much better and more confident.

But until then, how can I stop
The scary feelings when I feel super vulnerable and down?
 
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SuzanneMarie

New member
Joined
Apr 28, 2019
Messages
4
Location
Connecticut
#2
I experience jealousy and insecurity every time my husband tells me he is having lunch with a specific female business associate. A long time ago, long before we were married he told me that he found her very attractive, in the heat if arguing about her today, he told me she is still attractive. In the past they had a flirtatious friendship. I’m his wife, he chose me and I still lose my mind when he brings up her name. What should I do?
 
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EstherRose94

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Joined
Mar 2, 2019
Messages
653
Location
USA
#3
I know it doesn’t help to remember that he loves you or that he chose you.

Jealousy is a more childlike emotion than that I think.

What I would do, but be careful just to use this in your own head and not to use it to get back at him, is remember that there are guys I had found attractive in the past too. Could even be a celebrity. In high school I thought russel brand was the most handsome human alive. My boyfriend doesn’t have to know that and it’s bettwr if he doesnt. Next time I’m feeling insecure I can just internally laugh about my previous crushes (and remember that other guys have previously found me attractive too).

But again I’d never use any of that to argue back. He really shouldn’t have brought that up again and you should definitely take the high road and not retaliate.

Did that make sense? I can’t tell haha
 
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TheBoyWithAWanderingMind

Member
Joined
May 12, 2019
Messages
16
Location
USA
#4
I experience jealousy and insecurity every time my husband tells me he is having lunch with a specific female business associate. A long time ago, long before we were married he told me that he found her very attractive, in the heat if arguing about her today, he told me she is still attractive. In the past they had a flirtatious friendship. I’m his wife, he chose me and I still lose my mind when he brings up her name. What should I do?
Has he recently told you that she's "still attractive", how did he say it? Was he just saying it to mess with you? Personally, I think it's wrong for him say things like that to you. You're his wife and he should respect you enough not to make comments like that. Don't be afraid to express your disapproval for that sort of thing. Assert yourself and let him know that, as his wife, would appreciate it if he would refrain from saying things like that about other women.
 
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BorderlineUnicorn

Member
Joined
May 14, 2019
Messages
8
Location
Greece
#5
Well iam kind of having the same problem right now. I thought that i was confident in ny life until now that I realise i wasn't. Years ago the problem was my weight, i guess now , and ok i was a teenager . I felt good about myself in generally . The last one a half year i have o relationship with a guy that i really feel i love, i mean love like need , like "i dont want yo do anything if i am not ok with you" kind of love. Well almost two months ago he told me that he is cheated me a lot of times and he is saying that now because he wants to have an honest relationship and Start this again and make it bettet and honest.
It really really broke me . I don't want yo do anything anymore.. and the thing is that now i compare myself with every one for no reason..
I really don't know what to say to you as an advice but i wanted to say i feel the same.
We just need to know that we are enough and remember it always
 

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