Hello, new here!! Anxiety sufferer and eoor syndrome

6

6rofty

Member
Joined
Mar 23, 2018
Messages
23
#1
Hello there fellow sufferer's. My name's Rob and I have been suffering mental health for 10+ years now... I decided to write about what it's like suffering mental health... Please excuse the Gramma.

These are words from my self suffering mental health on a daily struggle.

The day from hell…. On this cold, dark morning, I woke up at 430, of the usual time, of waking up a few times a night… tossing and turning trying to get back to sleep… so I did the usual, i reached for my ecig and fed my vaping habit. So i Reached for my ecig and started to do a right good stretch, and i picked it up, feeling all my bones ache crushing my inner body and had a right good vape blast. I do the usual every morning and check my phone, like the daily newspaper… in the digital world of the 21st century. Time ticks on and my brain is over thinking two things, one! I need to get up, and two!!! Ah fuck it… let's have another half an hour in bed…feeling my thoughts go round like a merry go round.

As time goes on I eventually climb out of bed, Feeling my nerves shot with a gun and balance like a boat sailing across the ocean. With my feet feeling like they are sinking in quicksand.. and stomach feeling like i need to go and let off a big streaming longboat shit...so i do the usual toilet routine, have a quick wash and brush my teeth…. I look in the mirror and think, “ who is this person staring back at me”. I think to myself, oh my god! Christ!!!, Is this what it's come to.. somebody looking like a zombie, feeling so numb and achy, like a 80-year-old pensioner, winging and whining about daily ailments… and torture subconsciously.. feeling my chest get tight, like someone brushing it from the insides of me.. ripping my internals to the point of panic and something deep with in wiping my mind blank, like a clean slate blackboard… but always leaving the remains of negative shit… to the side of my negative fucked up … abnormal self. The day just goes from bad, to worse!.

As I walk to work I see the usual bullshit in my eyes… like a layer of fog or mist blocking my vision eye floaters, floating around my vision. It doesn't matter if I look up or down its there. Looking like an old film on a projector… trying to ignore the sensations of being on a boat… floaters through my fucked up vision… trying to pretend it's not there. Seeing the sparkles in the sky like snow vision from a very old TV set, when you don't have analogue signal. I walk trying to think “fuck you anxiety!!!! I am in control!” I gaze at the ground, feeling my numb prickly face.. and jelly legs, with a twitchy left eye probably caused by stress, or lack of sleep Walking in a zombie haze on auto pilot of ailments. I cross the road and see work in the horizon. Trying to ignore my secret beneath inside pain and misery. I ring the bell, one of my colleges opens the door, I say “ morning” in a fake sarcastic way. Already feeling sweaty my heart racing like a bitch, drumming like a Jamaican playing the bongos.. on speed I walk up the stairs thinking “ am I going to pass out”. I manage to get up the stairs, and go to my locker and swipe in, with greeting all my colleagues with a fake morning smile painted over my anxious mess. As the morning passed on I felt like I was getting worse, the dizziness gets stronger, the floor gets more unstable, and the floor becomes more of quick sand, feeling my heart race like I'm on a marathon. I try to push it out-of-the-way and just get on with my job… I'm thinking inside “ not again, not here!!!. Fuck. I ignore it once more, I walk round like a dizzy drunk mess, banging in to people. Not one person says am I ok… me in the world of my own, thinking “this is it, this is the one that's going to kill me.. “oh shit get me the hell out of here”!!!. I try to go somewhere quiet, to compose myself back in to normal human reality. But it doesn't work. I clutch my hands on to a few trays at the side of the wall, hoping to god I will snap out of it. I say to myself once again “ I can do this fuck you anxiety!!!. I walk past a few colleagues, and try to start a conversation, anything just to take my mind off this shit hell inside me. But that also does not work, I'm thinking to myself “am I talking fast and loud,do I come across an anxious mess”. Hoping that nobody doesn't notice how I am acting. I decide to walk away once more, walking on to the shop floor, the lights haze my eyes, I feel like I'm in a dream state.. my whole balance is becoming unstable… the nausea is coming on stronger, like I'm going to shit up my guts I try to wash my hands and face, just to pretend that I'm ok… I dried my hands and face with the Sandpaper ,cheap paper towel. I stand there for a moment hoping and praying this feeling will subside, but it doesn't. That moment The evil anxiety has won, it has gone all over my body, the adrenaline is pumping round my circulation My body is filling up with co2, I can't catch my breath, I drop to my knees with no energy I try to sit on the floor, my heart beat gets faster and more scarier. Chest pain kicks in and more panic arises,and hot and cold sweats kick in like your outside laying on snow, and the next minute im sat next to a fire blazing, and then back to snow again in a few seconds. I literally have no energy to even sit up, so I decide to lay on the floor.. this feeling is making me feel trapped to the floor like I'm super glued to the ground. I rub my face to get the sweat dripping off my face… saying to myself ooh fuck me, how embarrassing..I can hear people say are you ok… through the distance. I try to respond “yes I'll be ok it's just panic” deep down I'm thinking “ shit heart attack” I Try to talk with my dry mouth sandy gob. a first aider comes asap, at this moment I feel half conscious,to the point I could literally just fall asleep. The first aiders arrive and say Rob are you ok… I just let out a little moan and put my thumb up.. they try to get me up to my feet and sit me in a chair but with me hyperventilating, my legs become in a paralyzed state. The pins and needles start in my hands legs and face, and I violently shake like I'm having a seizure. My two colleagues lift me up in the chair the only way I could describe it as going nearly to death's door, it is the most frightening thing anybody to meet. I don't know what's more embarrassing me being pushed in a paralyzed state in a chair to the first aid room past people, seeing me in a mental state… or actually having the damn thing. The first aiders fetch me a bag to breathe in to, to balance out my co2 levels but it doesn't work. So they tried some coca cola to balance my sugar levels which also fails The panic kept on coming, more shaking more pins and needles, more chest tightness and my heart beating out my chest. I was saying to the first aiders,” it's only anxiety, its only panic” they wasn't too sure if it was a real deal heart attack or anxiety attack, which made me freak out even more. I kept saying in my head “it's only anxiety fuck you anxiety”. The first aiders called an ambulance and they came asap.. they checked me over. And wanted me to do more tests at the hospital. So I agreed it's better to be safe than sorry. At the hospital I felt anxiety all day waiting on my own Feeling mini anxiety attacks .. wishing I could just go home and off to bed.. I had blood tests, blood pressure tests and ecgs which turned out all fine, apparently I'm a 100% healthy young man from what they can see. So the only thing that I achieved on this day was … losing hours at work and 4.10 on a bus ticket. But at least I'VE been checked

Thank you for reading.
 
E

emzz

Guest
#2
Yip been there every test under the sun including a brain scan but now I know it's "Anxiety" and not a brain tumour I cope a lot better plus the Meds ( Sertraline ) unless you experience a panic attack there's no way to really explain it but you've done a really good job with your account here, my last one ( about 10 years ago) I really thought this is it I'm going to die here and now in this restaurant! horrible horrible!
By the way welcome.
 
6

6rofty

Member
Joined
Mar 23, 2018
Messages
23
#3
Hello emmz thank you, I have tried all sorts of meds probably every one my doctor offers ... I'm like no relief ever!!! It's like torture breathing every day ! That's how I describe it anyway
 
E

emzz

Guest
#4
Hypnosis! you will have to find a therapist who specialises in Anxiety conditions, your doc should hopefully help you find one.
Iv had hypnosis twice and it saved my soul it's amazing how the brain can be retrained to think differently.
 
6

6rofty

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Joined
Mar 23, 2018
Messages
23
#5
I tried hypnosis once, it was 65 pound an hour expensive!!!!!
 
6

6rofty

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Mar 23, 2018
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#7
At the moment I'm on fluoxitine Prozac 40 mg 3 weeks in and feeling jittery zombies sick wobbly and not with it
 
E

emzz

Guest
#8
I'm no doctor but maybe to high a dose to start, 3 weeks is a short time when it comes to this sort of meds! I passed my motorcycle test first time on Prozac 20 years ago, I do recall been a bit foggy brained! I'm now on Sertraline 150mg.
 
6

6rofty

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Joined
Mar 23, 2018
Messages
23
#9
I started on 20 mg at first then 3 weeks in up to 40 anti ds give me every side effect in the book I hate them
 

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