Fight this AM.. This is a long read

E

Enough77

New member
Joined
Apr 23, 2019
Messages
4
Location
Phoenix
#1
I have been with my partner for about 2 and a half years. We broke up for a few months and got back together. The first time a round was unhealthy. All we did was fight. He accused me of being a snitch, informant, liar and a cheater. Every move I made and words I said was analyzed. He was a accusatory. There were days where he kept it in his head to avoid a fight but it blew up any way. My life before him was drama free from this type of relationship. I do take blame for having a kind heart. We met online. After we talked and got to know each other, I realized he was not financially stable, he had no stable job, he was in the process of moving out and he had a soon to be expired vehicle registration. I liked him. We talked for hours. We had the same interest. I didn't judge him for his situation. I am not shallow. So I offered my place and so it begins. He had a roof over his head. I had him drop me to work so he has a car to use for Uber to make ends meet. I was the breadwinner and financial provider. He started to seem controlling. I was paying for 95% of everything. He wouldn't let me go to places by myself. He started accusing me with a neighbor. He got mad at me at a grocery store that I was signaling or passing messages to a person because I went down the aisle again. He would ask me if I know so and so person. Or if I know who's car does that belong to or do I know that certain person who owns a particular car. If my dog would go to a certain route or goes to a person he thinks I know some one there or know that person. He thinks I am passing messages to 'they' or the government. That people are listening in or watching him. He would look out the window every day. He said it's to see if our car is outside. There was a time when he woke me up, turned the music on and he told me to be quiet. He took a paper and pen to write. He documents things down that has happened to him including the previous relationship he had. That's his words 'document.' He said they got to her so she cheated. To me, this is all unbelievable. I am new to this type of relationship. First thing that came into mind is, is he paranoid or what happened to him or does he have unresolved post-traumatic events. I am dealing with a person who needs help and refuses help. He does not see that there is something wrong with him. He thinks it is me. He blames me for this and that I am doing something. I have gotten to the point that I was looking down and hated my life to have to deal with this. I was miserable. I was too embarrassed to talk to anyone because I put myself in this situation. There was a time when he left and I let him back in because I love him. It was non stop fighting. I get soo angry of being accused for something I am not doing. After all the things I've done to support him and us. Gave money to his kids because he didn't have any. I even bought his kids some things. I financially supported his business even though it was credit cards/loans. I have taken a financial hit on our relationship. We had a break last year for about 6 months. He kicked me out of our apt that we just moved into. There's a story to that to that won't get into. He would stop me from leaving when I wanted to leave or I would ask him to leave and he doesn't. I took advantage and I left. I stayed in a hotel for about a wk using credit cards. I didn't ant to tell anyone. I waited for my check and got a place to live with my dog. I'm not even going to mention what he did to my dog when I was staying at the hotel. His ways of trying to have me come home doesn't make any sense. We got back together in Oct or so because I love the guy and I missed him even though I was still angry. I considered him my bff. However, he still has no steady job. He is still broke. I am still supporting us financially. We fight about once a month. The accusations are not as bad. He will accuse me of cheating when we don't have sex. This morning, he let me hear a recording. He recorded what I said at my parents house a few weeks ago about my mom's plants being dead. It hasn't been taken care of since it wasn't watered regularly. Then a recording from yesterday when I said, I don't think you killed anyone. The reason why I said that was the fact that why is his life the way it is. That there is a black cloud over him. To what has he done in the past that bad karma is visiting all the time. He put those two events together and accused me. I have told him that he sees me as an enemy. A few months ago he accused me of trying to record him or have some one listen in from my iwatch because my arm was a certain way on the couch. I get very angry when he gets like this because of all the things I have done to support us and I've stuck around this whole time and this is how he sees me. I work extra hours to pay the bills. I get tired and just want to sleep and I get accused of cheating. I am very tired of this. I can not handle it any more. He has given me financial struggle and an eviction. A whole lot of emotional pain and stress. I have asked him to leave each time and he doesn't. He will act like its nothing at times and says it is a new day. Then later on something will trigger him. I have no one to express this to and I want him out of my life. He tells me I am not going anywhere. I can not handle this. All I am trying to do is be happy and be successful and I can't. There's more to this but this will get too long. What do I do? I want to contact his sister to get his mom's number to help me get him out of my place and life but that might be a good idea. How do you handle a paranoid partner??
 
honeybadger

honeybadger

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Mar 6, 2019
Messages
173
Location
US West Coast
#2
There's no changing a paranoid partner until they choose to change their paranoid behavior. Otherwise, expect conflict.
 
E

Edinscotbrit

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 20, 2019
Messages
88
Location
Scotland
#3
I`m sorry but I wouldn`t even try to handle a paranoid partner, my patience would disappear and they would end up six feet under!
Joking aside, this is serious and you need to get away, you seem fine by yourself, you have a job and are earning, that is awesome! Kick him to the kerb.

This is going to sound rude, but he is dead wood.He is RECORDING you! And has a lot of problems that he doesn`t seem to be addressing. This is not going anywhere, you deserve better.

I get the impression the house is in your name?? If so, and he won`t leave contact law enforcement and have him removed from the home. If you are both on the tenancy agreement, that is going to be an awful lot harder to do, unless there is any physical assault etc.

I don`t need to go ON anymore into this, GET RID OF HIM PRONTO!!
 
E

Enough77

New member
Joined
Apr 23, 2019
Messages
4
Location
Phoenix
#4
It is a rental under my name. I can't afford a house at the moment. My credit history and finances are not where it is suppose to be. I am angry at myself for allowing my feelings to be kind. I need to let him go and I have asked him to leave. I do not want law enforcement to be involved since I have called the cops in the past to settle our arguments. I know the relationship is no good. I just want him to leave freely. I just extended my lease so I can't leave. I want to contact his mother who may get his mind right and leave. But am I over stepping?
 
E

Edinscotbrit

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 20, 2019
Messages
88
Location
Scotland
#5
I understand.

Taking all that on-board, NO! Get her involved and get that waste of space out!
 

Similar threads