Cutting out toxic family

C

Catlady07

New member
Joined
May 9, 2019
Messages
4
Location
Glasgow
#1
I'm in my mid 30s and have finally accepted that my mother is never going to change and for me to be able to have a happy and healthy life I need to completely remove her from the equation.
I won't go into details but she allowed a lot of horrific things happen to me as a child because she was a drug addict and didn't have the capacity to care. I missed a lot of school as she kept me home to look after her and look after my younger siblings.
I've been in therapy for a few weeks and it's brought to light just how much she still hurts me even though I'm an adult now and she is no longer drug dependent plus she lives in a different country!
Without throwing accusations or being angry, I emailed her and told her that I was upset about something she had recently said to me and it wasn't the first time so I needed a break in contact.
Her reply made it clear to me that she's never going to change or ever attempt to fight for me. She said 'I'm clearly a huge source of anguish to you and if you need space then fine. Take care of yourself'
This really made me angry, and for myself I replied and went into detail of past and current trauma she has put me through and that I'm done allowing her to hurt me.
I have no intention of any further communication with her but I have a notification on my phone that she has replied again. I don't know if I should even read her response or just delete my email and block her. Or should I read it because I might always wonder what she said? Help!
 
T

Tomorrows a new day

Well-known member
Joined
May 2, 2019
Messages
155
Location
England
#2
Hi, sorry to hear your story, it's really hard if you have bad parents, it can leave you very insecure in life. You have to think about your life and your happiness. I hope you find peace best of luck
 
daffy

daffy

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Founding Member
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Dec 16, 2007
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3,401
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hiding behind the sofa
#3
Hi cat lady I think your very brave to confront your mum about the abuse because a lot of the time the children of the abusers just keep quiet and then it festers like an open wound until you literally flip and have a breakdown.
In all honesty I would probably read the email cos you would always wonder if it was an apology. All the same I think you do right to cut contact with her, I wish I’d had that courage with my mum.
Daf:hug:
 
C

Catlady07

New member
Joined
May 9, 2019
Messages
4
Location
Glasgow
#4
Thank you.
Unfortunately I have had several breakdowns over the years and I hit rock bottom last year when I attempted suicide. A stranger literally saved my life by taking me to the hospital.
I have given her every opportunity to step up to her role as my mother but for some reason it's always me who is looking after her in some way.
I'm so done with it.
I appreciate your kind words.
I am certainly not expecting an apology and the words have lost all meaning from her now anyway.
I'm still to scared to open the email. I think I'll wait a few more days so I can avoid having a knee jerk reaction as I'm still very angry right now
 
tiltawhirl

tiltawhirl

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Oct 30, 2010
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5,015
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Bristol, TN/VA, USA (near mountains and 6 hours fr
#5
With a decision to remove a toxic person from your life you will have to commit to having NO CONTACT with them. Take your grievances to a therapist. Count the days of your sobriety from her. Come here and brag and we will cheerlead you. Things start to change after 30 days, even more around 6 weeks and quite a bit by 8 weeks. and with a therapist you can chart your course in freedom.
 
4EVRHSP

4EVRHSP

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Joined
Mar 11, 2019
Messages
64
Location
...
#6
Hi there Catlady07. I completely empathise with you about your situation. My mother is also very toxic and inflammatory towards me and will always be that way. The best road for us is literally to remove them from our lives and go as far away as possible. Good luck to you and wishing you well
 
C

Catlady07

New member
Joined
May 9, 2019
Messages
4
Location
Glasgow
#7
Wow wow wow! I read the reply. It was most definitely not an apology but more a excuse. Thanks everyone for your support 😊