CPA review next Tuesday. Hopefully goodbye cmht for a while

fazza

fazza

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#1
Next Tuesday is my cpa review with my doctor and cpn. I am really looking forward to it as finally I am stable back in work and voice free.

Since starting therepy and having a med change I feel 95 percent cured. Will it last? possibly not but I will enjoy it whilst I can.
 
fazza

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#3
Thanks. I really do feel great. I just cant work out if I am nervous about the review or if I have a little anxiety creeping back in. I have been so well over the past months I am sure that I will have off days.
 
fazza

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#4
Its also difficult to get in to the right mind set. In one hand I want to be free of cpn's doctors and cmht. In the other hand I am a little scared of letting go. I just need a push and I can move on.
 
daffy

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#5
Yes it can be a little scary when they ‘set you free’ but I’m sure you’ll be fine. Just ask if you can over the next six months have contact with your CPN . It would be like a safety net for you. You probably won’t need the help but it may make you feel more secure
And congratulations on doing so well . Are you wanting to get back to work
 
fazza

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#6
I am already back in work daffy. I have a fantastic boss who has stood by me throughout. I am loving being back.
 
fazza

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#7
Don't know if it's anxiety about tomorrow's review but I feel really shitty. Had to come home from work early as I just could not cope. Feel like somebody has pulled the pug on my self confidence and I feel very exposed. Defensive and aggressive towards anyone with an agenda.
Not good. Not happy. Stressed. Yet taken all meds. May have to break out the emergency diazepam.
 
fazza

fazza

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#8
Also had a complaint about my work which has not gone down well seei g as it is totally unjustified.
 
daffy

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#9
You’ll be ok fazza it’s just that your scared of the unknown. Just explain how your feeling about it all. Is it in the morning cos I’ll be working but will be back by 12 and if I get chance while at I’ll try and get in touch. Sending you hugs:grouphug:

Daf
 
fazza

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#10
It's at 2 but I have a therepy session. At 1. Can't help but feel like I have been a bit high again over the past few months and I am starting to crash again. Wife says I have been moody for the last couple of weeks.

I feel like I am questioning my insight but by doing this I am not proving I still have Insight.
 
daffy

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#11
I do think once we’ve been ill we question ourselves too much . I know I do. If I’m feeling happy I wonder if I’m going high, when I buy something on the spur of the moment is it a sign I’m manic. 99% of the time it’s just the normal ups and downs we all have. Try not to overthink the situation

Daf
 
fazza

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#12
Thanks daffy. That makes a lot of sense. Can't wait for this review to be over.
Also because of work and weird shifts I have kinda neglected taking my meds properly. My lithium levels must be off as will the latuda. I keep forgetting them.
This kinda shot myself In the ass last time.
 
daffy

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#13
Sorry to say it faz but if you’ve been a bit hit and miss with your meds that could have messed you up. I know on the odd occasion I’ve forgotten my nighttime meds I can feel It as soon as the following day.

Daf
 
N

natalie

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#14
Hi Fazza,


How did your CPA review go today?


Best regards,

Natalie.
 
fazza

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#15
Well. It was just about ok. She does not want me working and she has also pointed out what daffy has already said about missing meds.

She has given me a blood form and I have to have my lithium levels checked.

I am trying to find something positive about the review but can't

I feel a bit deflated. I wonder if they think my insight might be a bit off but I think I am ok. Now they have filled me with doubt and a little suspect.
 
fazza

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#16
I have decided that i am not ready for work and that i have to accept that i have an illness. No matter how many second opinions i get they always come back with the same results.
 
N

natalie

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#17
That might be more realistic, Fazzam and very commendable well don for realising.

I know how I felt, many moons ago, when asked the GP, could I work part time, and the CPN realised that I was active, in the early years of me struggling to recover from illness, and the GP said no, couildn't work.


Take care now.
 
boudreauj4

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#19
I have decided that i am not ready for work and that i have to accept that i have an illness. No matter how many second opinions i get they always come back with the same results.
Is it possible that you work part time? I don't think I could do my volunteer job full time but the three days a week that I go works out for me well.
 
fazza

fazza

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#20
If i start questioning my insight does this not prove that I still have insight.. I seem to be able to work for lets say......3 months max. Then things start to fall apart. I get snappy paranoid and very very irratable.

At the moment my sleep is suffering but i do not want to tell my cpn as I am trying to distance myself from them.

Confused.....
 

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