Bpd jealousy

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Courtneycxcx

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Joined
Apr 23, 2019
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3
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Uk
#1
I feel like recently jealousy is eating me up, I hate my boyfriend doing anything without me, we have been together 5years. when he goes to work I will sit and cry, the thought of him being around other females at work drives me insane I find myself looking them up on social media every day and comparing myself to them which makes me feel shit because they’re all really pretty and probably much more fun and easier going than me. if he arranges to meet up with his friends every day in the lead up to it I will cry and self harm and just generally not be able to cope, even if he goes out with his mum I am jealous. I’m jealous of every person who is around him when I am not. We have children together so we don’t get a lot of alone time and I don’t ever go out with my friends because I hate being away from him. I don’t even like being in a different room to him when he is home when I am preparing dinner I will always ask him to keep me company and at night time even if I am tired I will not go to bed without him. He goes to the gym every day and I often convince myself he is going to fall in love with another girl in the gym who is more into fitness and has a nicer body than me, all of this said I have tried to leave him because I feel like this isn’t fair and it’s breaking my heart that he has to deal with me. I leave him and within hours I am begging him to come home. He tells me he loves me all the time and I don’t accept it I feel like he feels sorry for me and he’s just trying to make me feel better for the kids sake. Sometimes if he shouts and me or snaps at me I feel like I want to kill myself I feel worthless and unloved and like he doesn’t want me. I don’t know how to deal with this. I have suffered with this my whole life since I was a little girl and have a lot of previous suacide attempts, I hate my life so much but I feel trapped because of my children I don’t want to leave them without a mother but everything is just so hard to deal with right now. Does anyone have any tips on how to cope with jealousy? Or feeling worthless?
 
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Roseessa

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Jul 11, 2018
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97
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Nottingham
#2
Hi, are you on any pills? Are they working? Have you spoken to your doctor or a therapist about this?
 
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Courtneycxcx

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Apr 23, 2019
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Uk
#3
I was on anti depressants but they don’t work for me my CPN keeps cancelling and rearranging appointments and I don’t feel as though she’s actually puts anything in place she will listen to how I feel but there’s no therapy or groups or anything being arranged and I feel so lost
 
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Roseessa

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Jul 11, 2018
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Nottingham
#4
You really need to get someone to sort something out for you, is there no one you can talk to about the appointments not happening? Also is there no groups you can go to in your area you can just walk into
 
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Courtneycxcx

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Apr 23, 2019
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#5
No not that I know of everything is just waiting lists I did try cbt but that hasn’t done a thing for me my phychiartist put me on a waiting list for dbt but that was months ago and I haven’t heard anything since. I don’t know what to do anymore I’m currently locked in my toilet crying having really awful thoughts I’m sick of this life
 
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xRachx

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Apr 23, 2019
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Staffordshire
#6
No not that I know of everything is just waiting lists I did try cbt but that hasn’t done a thing for me my phychiartist put me on a waiting list for dbt but that was months ago and I haven’t heard anything since. I don’t know what to do anymore I’m currently locked in my toilet crying having really awful thoughts I’m sick of this life
You sound so similar to me 😢 I've never posted on here before. I am so sorry I have no advice or coping techniques.... I am new to my diagnosis..... That doesn't mean to say I havnt suffered for as long as I can remember.... Depression anxiety and a rapid cycling bipolar diagnosis, I am due to start taking lamotrigine..... I have two children, a loving partner, ditto to everything you said. I've begged my partner to agree to me ending my life and paying abroad for euthanasia!!!! Told him I'd find him someone lovely that would be stable loving an kind for him and our children who I idolise as I cant cope anymore.... Then I ring him and panic and ask him not to find anyone..... Constantly ask him if he's faithful, does he love me, if he could go back in time would he still be with me.... He answers yes and I still don't believe him ect ect. I could write all night.... Torture. I'm so sorry. X
 
BorderlineDownunder

BorderlineDownunder

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Joined
Nov 23, 2015
Messages
17,146
#7
hi
you sound incredibly stressed im sorry

there are ways of dealing w the emotional roller coaster that is BPD, a good therapist will help enormously

I purposely do not have a partner bc it would just be another layer of crippling emotion.

Also you sound very depressed, if a GP gives you pills they often take a while to kick in but if they make you feel worse get to the GP stat.

Im experienced enough now to know when im likely to have a BPD fit and I self talk, something I never used to do. I can say to my self "ive got unusual symptoms, or, Im nervous any one else would feel that way too" and try to talk myself up a little. BPD means you have rapidly changing emotions and I try to remember that when Im triggered.

Not all psychs are very good so ask around and see if you can get to a different one.

all the best
 

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