Am I experiencing OCD?

R

RaymondJackson

New member
Joined
May 12, 2019
Messages
1
Location
Georgia
#1
When I was a child, being the very curious, inquisitive boy that I was, I liked to surf the internet and find various things to search and read about. However, at the age of 11, I happened to come across something that somehow scared me a lot, so much that, even as a grew older, the mere memory of viewing the material still made it frightening.

Fast-forward to mid-March of this year, at the age of 24, and somehow I suddenly develop a compulsion to search the topic on the internet. Even though I knew it scared me as a child all those years ago, this bizarre urge to look it up became so obsessive that each time I picked up or even looked at my smartphone, I developed another odd compulsion to keep typing the topic in the search bar. This even got to a point where I developed anxiety over the situation, scared to even touch my phone as I knew the compulsion would kick in.

I really have no idea how I started all of this behavior to begin with, but I felt that maybe it was my intuition telling me that there was no longer any need to be afraid of the topic. So one night, I gave in to the urge and finally looked the topic up again. I then realized that it was a pretty ridiculous, silly thing to have been frightened by in the first place, and that my memories of the topic were actually wrong- it was definitely not the awful, terrifying thing that I somehow thought it was. This has been a similar case with other things that may have bothered me in the past, as I now understand that these fears were irrational.

However, even with my newfound comfort with the topic, the strange effects that it began having on my brain in March have not gone away. The compulsion to keep typing the topic in the search bar is still rampant in my mind, to the point of causing tightness in my stomach and chest. Using my smartphone also still causes the "trigger" to happen. I have tried other things, such as repeatedly searching the topic to see if my mind would grow bored of thinking about it so much, but to no avail. It feels as if my mind is still "adjusted" to me being scared of the topic and doesn't want to advance beyond the irrational fears. The uncomfortable feelings in my stomach and chest never seem to go away, even if the topic isn't even inside of my head.

So, is this in fact a bout of OCD that I have been experiencing? I am not sure if I could seek medical help or not, as I don't know how I could even explain what I am going through and find the whole thing to pretty silly and embarrassing. Either way, I am ready for it to STOP!

Thank you all for your help! :D
 
S

Skynet

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 17, 2018
Messages
213
Location
India
#2
What's the topic? (Porn? Child porn?) Do you enjoy looking it up or does the process cause you distress? How often do you look it up? Answers to these questions could help us determine if it is OCD/POCD or something else.
 

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