Am I a bad person or do I need help?

J

Jonathan mors

New member
Joined
Apr 8, 2019
Messages
1
Location
Uk
#1
In the past my partner has referred to me narcissistic and occasionally emotionally abusive, this got me looking to find help about these traits and attempting to find ways on improving my behaviour (less drinking, therapy etc) but I'm beginning to wonder if I am ill or if it's much worse than that...

I'd like to think that socially I appear normal and I'm the type of person who gets along easily with others, I often do a lot to try to get people to like me, and I've gone to therapy for depression and suicidal thoughts. My biggest problem is that I am a chronic liar, I lie to impress people, to keep my partner in the dark about shady nights when I've been binge drinking, I lie to get what I want from people, and if I'm honest my behaviour scares me.

I love my partner but I have cheated, I've cheated in every relationship I've been in and usually I'd feel no guilt but with in this relationship the idea that I could hurt someone that I claim to love devestates me. I want to marry this person, and I think they want to marry me but I'm scared that what lies under my surface can't be fixed in therapy. I've been to therapists and they talk about anxiety, depression etc, but my depression stems from deeper behavioural issues and I have no idea how to go about dealing with them. I desperately want to be a good person, but I'm worried that who I am won't permit it, or maybe that's just me excusing myself?
 
L

Lunar Lady

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 19, 2019
Messages
930
Location
UK
#2
Hey Jonathan

No, I don't think you're a bad person.

I think you're right - there's a deeper pathology to why you behave this way and you'll need to work with a psychiatrist to get to its root.

:hug: Ultimately, it's yourself you're hurting by sabotaging your own chances for a deep connection and solid relationship with someone.

Sounds as if your current relationship is special and well worth the work involved to understand your behaviour.

Good luck xx
 
megirl

megirl

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 9, 2010
Messages
5,953
Location
NZ
#3
I agree I doubt you are a bad person at all. You can easily recognise and take responsibility for your behaviours, and actions, and want to do something to better your life, it sounds like you have a really good relationship and a very special person in your life. Cherish that, that's a,reflection that you are a decent person
 
TroubleinParadise

TroubleinParadise

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 28, 2018
Messages
176
Location
South Africa
#4
Hey man,

The way you've articulated yourself tells me that you want to change - I suggest what Lunar Lady suggest; speak to a psychiatrist, or perhaps even a Clinical Psychologist, and they can help and work with you to get to the deeper roots of these issues.

You're not a bad person - you're in pain, there are people who can help you. :)
 
BPDevil

BPDevil

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 7, 2018
Messages
799
Location
Hell
#6
bad people take pleasure in being bad, the fact you have made this thread shows you aren't
 
C

cureforcancer

Member
Joined
Apr 23, 2019
Messages
12
Location
provo
#7
I don't think you are bad person. Bad person like everything bad and like to do every thing bad.